Thursday, February 24, 2011

Love loss and the internet.

If you are reading this you most likely know a lot about me, but if you are a stranger on the internet then you do not. Or maybe just a passing person that knows me just a little. I am going to share the last three or so years of my life in a way that I feel comfortable on the internet. Only to keep some of my privacy in tact on the world wide web. In the winter of 2005 I met a girl on the internet. After a long courtship process I have no idea how to play "the game". Never have do not want to learn. I think it is stupid. I saved up some money, and flew her down for a week at my place. At the time I was living in Orlando with a roommate that I had been living with for three years., and had been friends with since I was 18 years old.

Love is a funny thing I was 23 at the time, and was still a bit naive. I can still smell the flowers I had at the airport and the tension of waiting for her to arrive at Orlando International airport. I recall getting to the airport three hours early. Buying some flowers, and waiting by the big fountain in the airport that those of you who have been to said airport have seen for sure. You don't really know someone until you have met them in person. I myself am a bit different online that I am in person. I am not as outgoing around people I do not know, but act pretty much the same as I do online. So I was anxious to spend a week with someone I did not know. What if she did not like me? What if I could not stand her? What if I just wasted all that money on a plance ticket? Well I finally saw her and could recall what she looked liked from the pictures that she sent me. I went up to her, and handed her the flowers. And then we just stood there for what felt like three years. In all actually it was most likely five seconds. Then she said to me " Are we going to do something, or just stand here all day." I should have ran into my car and left her there right then.

The car ride to my apartment was very eventful we joked and laughed, and it was like we pick up where we left off online. The week was magical. Even after everything that unfolded, and the turmoil that I was put through. I still think it was one of the best weeks of my life. The first night after she got there I made a huge breakfast for her with everything you could imagine. She was so happy she cried. Funny how you can recall things. I don't recall everything that happaned that week, but I can recall that very vividly for some reason. We went to the theme parks all of them even bush gardens. We laughed watched movies had some adult fun. As soon as it came it was over and she left on a plane back to Virgina.

I thought the story would end there, and it would be one week full of great times, and it was soon over. Back to the daily routine. A couple weeks later she called me and said she could not be apart from me and wanted to live with me. Though I would later find out she really needed a place to live. I decided that sometimes in life you have to take risks, and this was one risk that I was willing to take. So I told her to come to Florida and live with me. Well she did come down, but my roommate was not to happy about the situation, and figured it was not going to work for him. Since the place was his I had to leave. Fast forward to about four months later. She was getting home sick, and wanted to move back to her home state. So I left my job left school, and decided to go with her in the name of love to Virgina.

We found a nice town home moved in got a dog which I loved very much, and still miss to this day. I got a job which I hated so much I could not stand, but I did it so we could keep the town-home, and she only had to work part time. I know now that I was kinda getting conned, but as they say love is blind. We had a normal life for almost three years. As the relationship went on she got very jealous, and possessive. She did not want me having any female friends. She would pitch a fit if I wanted to go on Facebook, and question every woman that I came into contact with. I could not take much more of it. I realized then I had given up so much for something that was not going to work.

But I loved her. I really did love her. I did something only a foolish child would do, and I look back at it and think to myself what the fuck was I thinking. In order to save the relationship. I got a ring. A ring will save everything. She wanted to go away and see a friend of her's that lived in California. I am the trusting type so said yeah sure have fun go for it. When she went away. I went and got the ring.

In our apartment we had two computers. The one that I used power supply had gone down. So I was using her's while she was gone. Well she had her's so it would auto start chat programs when you started windows. I get on to dick around the internet which I am so famous, or infamous for depending on who you talk to. And I get I chat message from someone asking some very x rated questions. Now I am not the type to snoop, but if you give me a reason like that I will.

So I played the part, and was shocked. I decided that hell if I am going to purpose to this girl I might as well find out what the hell is going on. Lucky for me I know a bit about computers. So it took me about three minutes to find the logs. I found them and read them. It blew my world upside down. Lots of guys lots of e fooling around, and the friends she was going to see was a man in Canada. Who I'm positive she slept with due to the logs I read. The day she was supposed to come back to the house. I was going to meet her at home after work. When I got home everything of her's was gone even our dog. With a dear Jon note. It was like a damn lifetime movie. I come home with a ring in my pocket about to confront her about it, and she is gone poof. I am alone in Virgina with only one friend, and a job I hate.

Well that week only got worse for me. I then got laid off from my job. Oh and the only friend I had drowned in a boating accident the week after. So much shit went down in such a short time. It did not even all sink in until a couple months later. With my tail between my legs, I went back to Florida. Tried to rekindle old friendships. Some worked out some did not. Went back to school. Started working out again to get back in the shape I was before my stressful depressing relationship.

The past two years of my life have been the rebuilding of my life from scratch. I literary came back to Florida almost pennyless, and with only enough things that I could fit in my car. I decided I want to be an Educator. I am going for it now. I am awaiting word if I will be accepted into an accelerated B.A-M.A program at the University of Central Florida as we speak. As it stands though I am a Junior albeit an old one.

I looks like I'm heading to a happy ending. Though the last two years the first two of my rebuilding process has been tough. I feel great now things are really looking good. I have climbed up from the bottom. But it has some lasting effects. I have not been on a date, or really even had anything besides a platonic relationship with a female since, and it is by my choosing. Though I am getting to the point where I am almost ready. It would be nice to have someone to talk to on a daily basis.

So that is where I am for those of you who don't know. My goals before I reach 30

M.A.
Be in the best shape of my life.

Goals as they come with no timeline

Wife, kids, house, and a sweet ass PC.

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